Creation of the Computer !!!

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he
created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And
God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

3. And God said – Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said –
Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and
hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said – Let the computers be, so there would be a place to
put
floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created
computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and
big… And told them – Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the
Memory.

6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will
make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God
showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the
volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said – It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He
took
a bone from the Programmer’s body and created a creature that would
look
up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things
the
Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it
was Good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill
said to the User – Did God really tell you not to run any programs?

11. And the User answered – God told us that we can use every program
and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User – How can you talk about something you
did
not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God.
You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your
mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless �C since
Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the
Programmer that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And
God asked him – What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered –
I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS.
And
God said – Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the
Programmer said – It was Bill who told us to!

16. And God said to Bill – Because of what you did you will be hated by
all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And
you
will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User – Because of what you did, the Windows
will
disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use
lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer – Because you listened to the User
you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you
will
have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and
secured it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT

wot Wikipedia says about Apu :)

Nahasapeemapetilon family

 

(Redirected from Apu)

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon is a fictional character featured in The Simpsons television series. He is the proprietor of the “Kwik-E-Mart” (a subsidiary of Nordyne Defense Dynamics), the local convenience store. He is an immigrant from India, and like most Simpsons characters is a caricature of a common stereotype — that of the South Asian convenience store owner. His most defining characteristics are his exaggerated Indian English, his devotion to the Hindu god Ganesh and his indefatigable immigrant work-ethic. His catchphrase is “thank you, come again”, cheerfully and dutifully repeated to customers after a transaction. There are many hidden jokes in the show that play off of Western ignorance of the Indian ethnic landscape: there have been shows in which Apu has been called a “Jolly Bengali” and, paradoxically, a “Pakistani“! (one cannot be both Bengali and Pakistani; also, since he is Indian, he cannot be Pakistani).

Apu’s family

Apu is married to Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon, with octuplet children: Anoop, Geet, Nabendu, Poonam, Pria, Sandeep, Sashi and Uma

Apu and Manjula were wed through an arranged marriage. Despite trying to wriggle out of the arrangement at first, Apu was won over after actually meeting Manjula and the two actually did fall in love. Later, Manjula gave birth to the amazing amount of eight children after taking a larger-than-recommended dose of fertility drugs. Apu and Manjula have a mostly happy marriage, despite understandable marital problems caused by Apu’s workaholism, the strain of caring for eight children, and a single instance of infidelity by Apu.

Apu is a naturalized US citizen, and holds a PhD in computer science. He graduated first in his class of ‘nine million’ at Caltech — the Calcutta Institute of Technology — going on to earn his doctorate at the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology. His doctoral dissertation was the world’s first computer program to play perfect tic-tac-toe (Bart Simpson ruined it by plucking a random punch card out of the box along with several others and the comment, ‘Hey, what’s this one do?’ Apu promptly pitched it into the trash). Apu began working at the Kwik-E-Mart during his college years to help pay off his student loan, and simply never left.

Apu was a member of the barbershop quartet the B-Sharps, which also consisted of Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble and Seymor Skinner. Apu took the stage name, ‘Apu de Beau Marche’. He and his family are devotees of the Hindu gods Shiva and Ganesh. During Apu’s wedding, Homer attempted to play on their fear of the gods, and impersonated Ganesh. However, the impersonation was seen through by one of Apu’s relatives and failed miserably.

Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon is Apu’s brother who helps him run the Kwik-E-Mart. Sanjay’s daughter (and Apu’s niece) is Pahusacheta Nahasapeemapetilon. Sanjay’s son is Jamshed Nahasapeemapetilon (which belies realistic inconsistency; Apu’s family is Hindu, though Jamshed is a Muslim name).

When Springfield became over-patriotic and took the name “Liberty-Ville”, Apu quickly caught on. He renamed his kids Lincoln, Freedom, Condoleezza, Coke, Pepsi, Manifest Destiny, Apple Pie, and Superman.

 

koi Aitraaz nahi!!! – Desi version of Disclosure

 

Akshay Kumar and Priyanka Chopra in Aitraaz

Aitraaz**
Dir: Abbas-Mustan
Cast: Akshay Kumar, Kareena Kapoor, Priyanka Chopra

Saw it at Liberty yesterday wid Bhatta. Da movie is cool, definitely worth a dekko once, though it has atrocious songs but decent acting by akshay n kareena but anu kapoor n paresh rawal were at their normal best.

In short : Bold courtroom drama, no pondy as one would expect !! desi version of

Disclosure.

what I liked about the movie was it was bold for Indian standards, I’m many will take cue from abbas-mastan and make more controversial movies in da future.

 

 

da world loves Billu!!

Gates Gets 4M Spam Messages Each Day

And You Thought You Needed A Filter

POSTED: 1:07 pm EST November 18, 2004

SINGAPORE — Bill Gates, the chairman and founder of Microsoft, receives millions of e-mail messages a day, said Steve Ballmer, the company’s chief executive.”Bill literally receives 4 million pieces of e-mail per day, most of it spam,” Ballmer said Thursday.Spam or junk e-mails are unsolicited messages, generally advertising goods or services and usually sent to many e-mail accounts simultaneously.

Ballmer said Microsoft has special technology that just filters spam intended for Gates. In addition, several Microsoft employees are dedicated to ensuring that nothing unwanted gets into his inbox.”Literally, there’s a whole department, almost, that takes care of it,” he said.Ballmer was in Singapore for the company’s Government Leader’s forum, which ends Friday.

now dat this story has come out another 6 billion around da world would try thier luck in paiining him,

billg@microsoft.com is his id :):) add him on all your groups :):)

or u can cofrim reciept by calling him :)
William Gates, President | Microsloth Corporation
Voice: 206-555-9595 | One Process Way
Fax: 206-555-9797 | Redmond WA 95120

KOTAK bank sucks big time….

 SUCKS BIG TIME!!!
these guys charged me 110.2 bucks for stopping a cheque… as if it was some super stealth CIA operation. Its 4 times what ICICI charges, I don`t think its justified in any sense.Its not about the 100 bucks, its about principle, one has to stand up against these corporates before they cheat others. 
I think I will have to move my account to ICICI.

Key Issues in the Year 2029

 

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia (formally known as California).

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floridians still don’t know how to use a voting machine.

 

Saw Naach yesterday @ INOX

Abhishek Bachchan and  Antra Mali in Naach
I saw Naach yesterday at the newly open INOX at Nariman point.. Its a Hatke movie, what every director tries to make…  one needs to commend Ramu in his effort to make a movie as per his ideas and without the distributors whims :):)
nice move, somewot like Abhiman (amitabh, jaya starrer of the 70’s). smooth flow in da movie, no major dialogs and comedy one crazy dance sequence though ..  
I would give 3 out of 5 for it.. You definitely can watch it once.

BBC e-mail – Find out your personality type

really cool stuff… I did my test :))


 “What am I like? The Personality Test”
Find out your personality type at:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/whatamilike/